The Wyld Stallyns are the greatest band of all-time, not just because of its musical impact, but its societal impact as well, bolstering relations between nations and facilitating contact with extraterrestrial life (including Martians).
History[edit | edit source]
Wyld Stallyns began as the project of two music-loving slackers from San Dimas, California known as Bill & Ted. Although initially having very little technical know-how in guitar playing, the two would never-the-less spend their free time filming their own promotional videos, wailing away on their guitars, and hoping to one day recruit Eddie Van Halen to the band.
The First Crucial Point In Their Destiny and Their First Excellent Adventure[edit | edit source]
Spending all of their free time with the band eventually lead to its troubles; as the pair approached the end of their high school years they found themselves failing history, which would result in them flunking out of high school. The only way for them to not fail the class is to deliver nothing short of an A+ worthy report on how "a historical figure may view the world of San Dimas today." Ted's dad, Police Captain Logan, threatens Ted with an enrollment into an Alaskan Military School, ending Ted's friendship with Bill as well as Wyld Stallyns if they should fail. The pair are determined to not let that happen.
Outside the Circle K, a local convenience store, Bill & Ted ask passers by questions in an attempt to compile a decent report, when suddenly a Phone Booth falls from the sky with Rufus inside. Rufus tells the pair that he's here to help them with their report. With the help of their own future selves, they eventually agree to allow Rufus to help them. Atfer a quick show of how the Booth works, and the accidental kidnapping of Napoleon Bonaparte, Rufus leaves the two with the Booth. The two quickly hatch a plan to kidnap other important figures from the past to have them speak for their report. And so, the two embark on an excellent adventure through time, where they recruit the help of Billy the Kid and Socrates.
Along the way, Bill & Ted land in 15th century England and fall for two beautiful Princesses; Joanna and Elizabeth. After being caught by their father, however, the pair are sentenced to death. Luckily, they manage to escape with the help of Billy the Kid and Socrates and barely escape in the Booth. The group now lands in the future, where Bill & Ted meet The Three Supreme Beings of the Future. Confused, Bill & Ted mimic an air guitar move shown to them by the future council, not realizing that the move is most commonly associated with them. The gesture, an adjusted, more subdued salute version of their frantic and constant air guitar handshake, when shown back to them, delights the future council and its citizens who were there to witness the first coming of the Wyld Stallyns. The duo are then surrounded by the inhabitants of this futuristic world who are in awe of the pair, and once more repeat the slow, saluted air-guitar action en masse, leaving Bill & Ted astounded and honored, realizing Rufus was telling the truth, and they are as gods to the people of the future. Bill & Ted then leave them with their own wisdom, hands crossed over hearts with one arm poetically extended in the most iconic shot in the film. They made up the words on the spot:
- "Be excellent to each other!"
- — Bill.
- "Party on, dudes!"
- — Ted.
Continuing their adventure, they then manage to find and kidnap Sigmund Freud, Ludwig van Beethoven, Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, and Abraham Lincoln to speak at their report. After a few detours, with Ted's younger brother Deacon losing Napoleon, and the rest of the historical figures being arrested after running amok at the local mall, Bill & Ted manage to put on a most triumphant history report, earning them an A+. Incidentally, fans point out that they managed to earn an A+ in a California High School test by putting on a play that would earn a middle schooler an F at best, having had only a basic 8th grade level understanding of History, which is barely used. As well, a discharged unauthorized firearm, even if it turned out to be an effect, would have had them removed from the building even before school shootings were as common as today. And a French spoken seminar about water slides shows no information about Napoleon, and out of context, would just come off as another mental lapse as bad as the "Cesar is a salad dressing, dude" incident that landed them in their situation to begin with. Nevertheless, they passed their test with flying colors, even though the test wasn't a partners project. Rufus believes this a miracle, and uses it to further solidify his prophecy that they really are the ones he set out to look for.
After earning their A+, Bill & Ted continue to pursue Wyld Stallyns, but are distraught. Although they had a most excellent adventure through time nothing has really changed for them. As they sit and conclude they should learn to actually play their guitars, they are visited once again by Rufus who had rescued the princesses, Joanna and Elizabeth, from their cruel father and brought them to Bill and Ted as a thanks for the trio's mutual beliefs in one another, and as a reward for saving the day for the first time. Rufus, happy that he was able to help them, hands them a copy of one of their own records and asks them if they could sign it for his kids. Bill & Ted are astounded by this record, simply titled Wyld Stallyns and with a futuristic moving cover, and Rufus explains to them that in the future Wyld Stallyns music has inspired universal harmony. They then attempt to jam with Rufus, who is then subjected to the fact that his so-called greatest band in the universe really can't play after all, and while visibly lamenting the path ahead of him, reassures the audience, "they get better."
Their Most Bogus Journey Through Heaven and Hell, the Birth of Their Children, and Their First Big Song[edit | edit source]
Some two to three years later, Bill, Ted, and their now-fiancees Elizabeth and Joanna, are living in a small apartment slowly selling off items to continue to pay rent, because their band still hasn't picked up popularity as Rufus said they would, nor have they had yet to learn even a single chord on their guitars, convinced their skills would just happen upon them one day. In the future, a Darth Vader-like figure named Chuck De Nomolos, a former teacher Rufus was acquainted with, sends back a pair of evil robotic clones of Bill and Ted in an effort to stop the future they create with their music. In order to do this, the robots must kill Bill and Ted. They succeed by pretending to be the duo's future selves from the first movie, then drive them out into the desert to push them off of Vasquez Rock, the famous location of a Star Trek episode featured in the film.
When they they regain consciousness, they then meet Death himself, depicted as a bold-faced, stoic German man in a black robe with a scythe. He tries to reap them, but they Melvin him and run. When they get sent to hell after three failed attempts at trying to contact their families postmortem, they call death and challenge him to board games, all of which he either loses or cheats at. After he finally accepts his loss, they regain their freedom and their place back on Earth, and gain the reaper as their ally, taking a trip to heaven, where they are introduced by God to Station, a martian scientist and the smartest being in History. He starts off as two smaller-sized siblings, then back on Earth, combine into a single man-sized being in a department store parking lot. While there, they go into the store, and purchase random electronics and wiring so Station can build good robot clones of them to assist them in the San Dimas Battle of the Bands. There, Evil Bill and Ted have kidnapped the princesses, and plan to kill them at the end of the Wyld Stallyns closing set after De Nomolos arrives to broadcast the end of Bill and Ted to the world. Bill and Ted arrive, intercept the princesses, and let Good Robot Bill and Ted kill Evil Robot Bill and Ted in a single punch. Then, they want to play their set, but still can't play yet. Just then, they have the idea to go back and learn to play (a technique which worked in the last movie with Ted's Dad's keys). As they leave in the phone booth, another phone booth immediately shows up with Good Future Bill and Ted in it, now with ZZ Top beards and babies, named Little Bill and Little Ted. The princesses take their place as drums and keys, Death takes a standing bass as his instrument, the Stations play bongo (which goes unheard during the song and looks comically out of place), and the Good Robot Bill and Ted back-up dance. Together, as the full Wyld Stallyns lineup, they play a rendition of God Gave Rock and Roll to you II by KISS, featuring a guitar solo intro by Steve Vai (it's implied Bill and Ted wrote this song for the Battle of the Bands). Then, during the credits, it's revealed through magazine covers and newspaper headlines that the plan didn't work yet and the band broke up because of Death's antics and creative differences, before Bill and Ted reunite as a once-again two man Wyld Stallyns, meaning the prophecy isn't completed yet.
When Bill and Ted Finally Face the Music, and The end of The Prophecy[edit | edit source]
The truth of their deism and musical prowess proved more complicated, since Wyld Stallyns enjoyed great initial success, but eventually began a decades-long downward spiral and never created the song that could unite the world. Their daughters, Little Bill and Little Ted, are carbon copies of them, much to their grandfathers' chagrins. Bill and Ted attempt a new song during Ted's brother Deacon's wedding to Missy, which is a terrible song featuring Theremin, bagpipes, and Mongolian throat singing, titled, "That Which Binds Us Through Time: The Chemical, Physical and Biological Nature of Love; an Exploration of The Meaning of Meaning, Part 1." The song is so strangely written the newlyweds can't finish their first dance, and Ted's dad pulls the plug on them less than 2 minutes in. When the universe was about to fall apart because of their failure to create the ultimate song, Billie and Thea , Bill and Ted's babies from the previous film all grown up, travel through time with Kelly, the daughter of the sadly no longer with us Rufus, to form a new version of Wyld Stallyns made up of legendary musicians such as singing trumpeteer Louis Armstrong, legendary unique rock guitarist Jimi Hendrix, classical pianist Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, mythical B.C.E. flutist of legend and possible founder of music in ancient Asia Ling Lun, and a prehistoric cavewoman who was supposedly the greatest drummer of all time. With their daughters unknowingly organizing the musicians, Bill and Ted are on their own journey to try to get the song from alternate timeline versions of themselves, who only prove to be increasingly alcoholic failures who lost the princesses as well as their daughters' respects, and at one point, live in their Wyld Stallyns van, then later are seen in prison with pounds of muscle, leading a war chant with the other prisoners.
They eventually get the song from themselves on their deathbeds in 2067, but then learn a poorly programmed, incredibly insecure robot named Dennis Caleb McCoy who they encountered in prison accidentally killed Bill and Ted's daughters and friends while waiting to spring a trap on the duo from their garage. Dennis can't kill Bill and Ted because they have the song on a flash drive, which makes him feel the weight of his poorly timed actions that much more. He apologizes for his actions, but can't kill Bill and Ted to send them to Hell and save their families, because they have the song, and he now values life and has a further developed strangely insecure personality, which even causes his voice to change in pitch and lose its robotic monotone sound, now sounding small and meek. The pair break the flash drive to make him kill them. He still can't do it, thinking of them as friends now, for some reason. He deems himself a failure, and takes his own life instead, with Bill and Ted grabbing his gun to take the blast as well. In Hell, somehow Dennis shows up with them, despite him being a machine, implying he developed a soul after his guilt from his actions. Dennis asks to be Bill and Ted's friend, because he feels they're all he really has left. The pair, who feel bad for him like they once did Death, take Dennis with them since he refused to kill them by way of free will, and he overstates his gratitude while over-explaining his full name, much to Bill's annoyance. The new trio find Kelly first, who finds out the robot who killed everyone is now in Hell with her, fully self aware and totally incompetent. Even worse, to her irritation, she finds out the once-killer robot has been named after her ex-Boyfriend, Dennis Caleb McCoy. Dennis helps find the group of musicians and the pair's families, apologizes to them as though he were standing to speak at a support group, which confuses everyone but Bill, Ted, and the daughters. Ted's dad is also in Hell, having been caught in Dennis' crossfire at Dave Grohl's house, and he apologetically joins the group. While in Hell, they talk Death into rejoining the Wyld Stallyns on the condition that he doesn't do another 40-minute solo, which is what got him removed from the band the first time (the second time was when he tried to use the name Wyld Stallyns as his own brand after leaving the band because he thought he WAS Wyld Stallyns). Death bursts into tears of joy, agrees to be their best friend again, and to seal the deal, they air guitar together before Death lets out an excited giggle. The now complete band go back to Earth, and land in the exact spot it just so happens they needed to be in, highway MP 47. Bill and Ted realize then that Rufus' prophecy only stated that "Preston and Logan" would write the song, and it dawns on them that it's their daughters who would be the songwriters, and they were just the band who played it, and the reason they themselves were so worshiped was because of this universe-saving realization. Joined in with their old bandmate and now eccentric bass soloist Death, along with the other musicians from the film and their daughters, they would together improvise a song that started to gather everyone else's attention. People who were once panicking in the streets were now stood in awe of what they were hearing, but it wasn't enough. The pair then get the idea to send infinite versions of themselves throughout history to pass out instruments to every person who ever lived so everyone in history could join in. When they regathered back into their present selves, Bill and Ted took to the stage, and when they started playing, the universe started self-repairing, with a vibrant purple-and-blue beam of energy emitting from the duo. The song was written, and reality was finally saved, thanks to Bill and Ted playing their daughter's song to the universe, being reinforced by every human in history playing along, bringing an end to the prophecy, and most likely, the story of Bill and Ted. The pair would be last seen in 2067 questioning each other on if they're dead yet, before resolving to play one last time before they go. We never see them die, but we do get one last guitar solo from Bill and Ted, before finally, after a 31 year prophecy, coming to a close. In the last line of the film, we find out Bill now needs a nurse.
Members[edit | edit source]
- Bill S. Preston, Esq. - lead vocals, lead guitar
- Ted Theodore Logan - co-lead vocals, rhythm guitar
- Joanna Logan - drums, percussion, backing vocals
- Elizabeth Preston - keyboards, backing vocals
- Death - bass guitar
- Station - congas, bongos, percussion
- Good Robot Bill - back-up dancer
- Good Robot Ted - back-up dancer